Why being romantically rejected is a beautiful thing.

"It's a highly calculated empathy"

Having to reject someone romantically is the best reminder that when we are rejected, it’s for the absolute best.

There’s a certain cringe in realising someone is interested in you and knowing: they are not the one for you and you are not the one for them.

Often they don’t realise it. Or they do, but they’re curious enough about how your origami folds to want to keep pursuing you. Even if it’s not healthy, or good.

It’s that icky knowing that now you have to distance yourself, friend-zone or acquaintance-zone them, in a kind but firm manner that communicates respectful disinterest. Or ignorance.

Or God forbid having to actually speak aloud your rejection: “I’m not interested.” My inner nice girl wants to prevent that at all costs, because hell if I’d want to cause someone the hurt I’d prefer to avoid myself. I also hate confrontation, and rejection is a kind of confrontation with someone’s wishes, expectations, desires.

So it’s a highly calculated empathy. Because if we have even a dash of EQ, we’ll know how much it all, just, sucks. To dream of someone and the universe that could come from that one spark, and have it crushed.

Except, you know in your heart, oh you really really know, that rejecting them is for the best, because this person cannot be your person.

You know yourself far more than they know you, and you know enough about them to know too - they’re not yours.

You are saving them from having to discover that truth in a way far more awkward and full of bigger rejection than if this “thing” was cut off at the legs before it ever walked.

So having to reject someone should build the ultimate faith that when we’re ever rejected by someone, that it’s also for a good reason.

That person looked us up and down at some point and went through the exact same thought process. The same options to put down our dream. The same wish to do us the kindness of not being with the wrong mate.

Unless they’re a psychopath. Or some dude named Brian who decided to be rude, because how dare we dream of love and think that he could be the stranger who finally becomes the One. In that case, their rejection is the Universe, and maybe even Brian’s higher self, protecting us.

So don’t feel the sting of rejection.

Feel the blessing of not being chosen by the wrong person.

Of participating in natural selection and being weeded out by the ones not meant for us.

Of not wasting our time and energy.

Because it may seem too simple, but the right person will choose us and we will choose them back.

—

Anthea

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